Oh, my sweet baby, today was the last time I nursed you. You woke up this morning at daybreak and for once I felt rested enough to actually get up with you instead of bringing you back to bed with me for more sleep while you nursed. I greeted you with a soft "Good Morning, Sweet Girl," and you asked for your usual "ulk."
We sat in the rocking chair in your room and we rocked while you nursed. We took our time, Tucker wasn't awake yet so it was just the two of us. It was so quiet and peaceful and although I didn't know it would be our last at the time, I drank in the moment and took some mental snapshots. Mornings like this are few, and far between and it was definitely special.
Your little pink footed sleeper, your request for three different "bankettes" to hold, your wispy morning hair, your bright brown eyes looking at me, the loud gulps as you filled your little belly. You got your fill of milk, gave me a kiss and climbed down off of my lap to go get a book to read.
After a day apart, when I came to pick you up at Grandma and Grandpa's house, you didn't ask to nurse immediately like you normally do. You sat on my lap while watching Lion King. When you finally asked, I told you, "not right now," and you were content with the answer. That was the first time it occurred to me that, just maybe, today was the last day.
When we finally got home, Tucker was asleep in the car and stayed asleep as I brought him into the house and put him in his bed. You and I sang songs, read books, I gave you a couple of cookies (a rare treat!), and we played for a while. It was in those moments with you that I realized that our morning was exactly how I wanted this part of our relationship to end.
Without me knowing ahead of time, which surely would have made me a sobbing mess in the moment.
Without me sleeping through it, which I often did during your morning milk.
Without anyone else present, so I could really absorb and drink in the moment.
When it was time for bed, you were quite upset when I put you in your crib without our normal nursing ritual. You cried for about twenty minutes and then fell asleep. I sat in the kitchen, questioning whether this was really the end and I surprisingly felt good about it.
I cried when I told Daddy and I have cried while writing you this letter. But I know this is the perfect ending to the perfect nursing relationship.
1100 days ago I started breastfeeding Tucker. I nursed him all throughout my pregnancy with you, and tandem nursed both of you for nine months. I weaned him and continued nursing you by yourself for another nine months. It has been my absolute pleasure and privilege to give you such an amazing gift.
I love you Baby Girl. I am excited to start the next chapter with you.
5 years ago